If you’re reading this as a birth partner, there’s a good chance you want to do the “right” thing during labour but you may not be quite sure what “right” is. You might have heard of hypnobirthing but maybe you’re not entirely convinced that it’s going to be something that will be of benefit to you. Maybe it all just sounds a bit ‘airy-fairy’. The term ‘hypnobirthing’ does often put people off which is sad because a hypnobirthing antenatal course is evidence-based, full of science and could transform birth for both the birthing woman and her birth partner in the most positive way.
Understanding Your Role as a Birth Partner
One of the biggest myths about birth is that partners need to do something extraordinary.
In reality, research shows that continuous, familiar support can make a real difference to how labour unfolds. That means you – not because you’re an expert, but because you’re trusted by the birthing person, and it is highly likely that you know her better than anyone else in the room.
Your role isn’t to manage the birth or fix anything.
It’s to help her feel safe, supported, and not alone.
Above all else, your presence is the most powerful thing – that’s it.
How can you prepare before labour begins?
Attend an antenatal course together.
Attending an antenatal course during pregnancy can be a great way for birth partners to ready themselves for their role. Through hypnobirthing, you can learn:
- The stages of labour & what to do
- The mind–body connection
- Why knowledge reduces fear for both of you
- Tools & techniques to support the birthing woman including breathing techniques, birth positions and how to create a positive birthing environment
Discuss preferences for birth
Exploring options and discussing birth preferences for a variety of scenarios, before labour begins, means you understand what matters most to the birthing woman. By doing this, you will be able to advocate for her, if needed.
Practise together
- Breathing techniques
- Relaxation scripts or affirmations
- Massage or comfort measures
- Biomechanic techniques/positioning, when required
- Ask caregivers questions to help mum make an informed decision
How you can support her in labour
- Stay Calm and Present
She’ll take cues from you. A steady, reassuring presence can help her stay focused and grounded.
- Trust her instincts
Women have been giving birth for millennia. During labour a woman will go into herself. Trust her to know what is right for her and her baby.
- Protect her space
Help to set up a calm, positive birthing environment (meeting the needs of the 5 senses) which helps her to feel safe and unobserved.
- Offer Simple Physical Support
This might be gentle touch, firm pressure, helping her change position, or breathing slowly with her. Follow her lead.
- Ask questions to caregivers
To give consent to any interventions, the birthing mother needs to be fully informed. If options are being offered, ask questions so you can relay information accurately to Mum in between surges (contractions).
- Use Fewer Words
Short, calm phrases work best:
- “I’m here.”
- “You’re doing brilliantly.”
- “You’re safe.”
Your voice matters more than you think.
- Keep her hydrated by offering drinks through a bendy straw
Birth is hard work. Mum needs to continually take sips of water to stay hydrated. Offering her a drink through a bendy straw means she does not need to alter her position in any way.
- Remind her to empty her bladder
A full bladder can decrease the space that baby has at it descends through the pelvis and down the birth canal. You are probably going to be more aware of when Mum last emptied her bladder than she is. Every couple of hours, remind her to go for a wee!
When Labour Feels Overwhelming
It’s common for labour to feel intense — even unmanageable — at times. That doesn’t mean something is wrong.
Reassure her, stay close, and trust the process.
After the Birth
Your support doesn’t stop once the baby arrives. Quiet presence, encouragement, and simply listening can make a big difference to how she remembers her birth.
The hour immediately after birth is often known as the Golden Hour. It is during this time that the third stage of labour happens – she’ll need to birth the placenta. A relaxed, quiet environment is also needed during this stage to support the process. After birth is an extremely important time of transition for a new baby who needs to adjust to life outside of the uterus. Keeping the room calm is vital. During this time, there will decisions to make regarding immediate skin-to-skin (beneficial for both Mum and baby), cord clamping, birthing the placenta and Vitamin K for the baby. Birth partners also need to be aware of what Mum’s wishes are so she can reminded of these as her whole being is likely to be focused on baby at this stage.
Final Thoughts: You Are Already Enough
You don’t need to believe in hypnobirthing or do anything that feels out of character to be an amazing birth partner. What matters most is that you’re there – steady, kind, and fully on her side. Your familiar presence, your calm voice, and your belief in her can help her feel safe at a time when that matters deeply. Hypnobirthing isn’t about changing who you are or asking you to perform in any way; it simply offers a few gentle, practical tools to help you stay grounded and confident, so you can support her in the way she needs most.
Lewis
First-time Dad and birth partner
I began the Tranquil Baby hypnobirthing class with an open mind but ultimately with the belief that I’d simply go along to keep my partner happy and that I wouldn’t actually get anything from the course. I’m more than happy to admit I was totally wrong.
It taught me the actual mechanics of birth (something that I didn’t expect from a course called hypnobirthing) and provided a number of techniques to help create an environment for a calm and enjoyable pregnancy and birth.
Most importantly, for me at least, I felt empowered to be the birth partner I wanted to be. Someone who could genuinely support my partner and competently navigate something that was totally new to both of us.aliqua.
I’m Demelza.
I am a mum to 2 energetic children, birth educator and former primary school teacher. I teach pregnancy relaxation classes and hypnobirthing antenatal courses to pregnant mums and their birth partners in North Cornwall and West Devon. Birth preparation courses are also available online. Explore my website to find out more about the services I offer, or get in touch if you have any questions. I would love to support you in your preparation for a gentle and positive labour and birth.
